My Review Of Mtn Data Plans!

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This is my honest review of Mtn data plans. I added an ‘s’ because I have used almost all what they have to offer in terms of data across a very very long period of time but for the sake of this review, we are going to assume you want to want to subscribe to their popular 1.5gig monthly plan or like I suspect, already subscribed to it. Pls keep in mind that everything in this review applies to ALL their data plans. The only difference being price and amount of data, that’s all.

Price:
For 1000naira, you’ll be given 1,500 kilobytes that look like megabytes to the untrained eye, but brethrens, let ye not be deceived. If you’re the type that likes to make something sound bigger than it actually is, you can call It 1.5gig. The plan lasts a month (in theory) and Mtn will allow you roll-over any un-used data if you’re the type of person that can manage one cup of rice for 2months.

At first, 1.5gig for 1000naira might seem kinda fair from Mtn who, not too long ago, sold 10mb for the same amount it’ll take to cater for a child who wants to study Medicine abroad. However, you’ll begin to slowly chew back your words- one by one – the moment you begin to understand what happens behind the scenes. This plan will last a week with decent browsing. Yea, just decent browsing. Two weeks, if your level of stingyness is out of this world.

Verdict: This plan is a RIP-OFF for the price(as you’ll later find out in this review). It is an overpriced scam. 1000naira can buy you 5 spaghetti. One thousand naira can get you a rubber of white garri if you can beg. My roommate sold his working standing for 1k. With 1k, you can get a used heart in cotonou that will pump atleast 3 cups of blood before failure. Should I continue?

Deduction rate:
The deduction formula Mtn uses to deduct data remains a mystery even to engineering students like myself. I have observed, observed, observed and carefully calculated, yet all my answers keep pointing towards one direction – the deduction is spontaneous. That is, the computer program(i like to call it “robot” ) assigned to carry out this task deducts data base on its mood at your time of browsing. 1mb for each Google page viewed(if Oga robot is in a good mood) or 200mb for an image of hushpuppi(if Oga just woke up from sleep).

I see no reason why how data is deducted should fluctuate. This is robbery, of the highest order. In Today’s world where Internet data is beginning to carry the same wieght as food given how many business and lives depend on it, it is heartless, wicked & criminal to leave your customers at the mercy of melancholic robot who will deduct 300mb just because it didn’t sleep well last night.

Verdict: Are you a magician? Are you fascinated with magic? Do you like sseing things dissappear? Things like animals, humans and of course, data? Mtn data plan is for you.

Webpages:
You ll think 1.5 gigabytes will be more than enough to surf the web since most of the Webpages you visit are kind of plain & light( like Nairaland ) and have little or no moving content unlike busy sites like skysports and xvideos where something is always guaranteed to be moving at any time of the day.

But as it turns out, viewing a simple, traditional Webpage sometimes takes as much as it would a YouTube video. Sometimes, more than. Other times, lesser than. But still not less enough to make you agree it’s fair enough. I’ll browse Nairaland sometimes and log out after 5-10mins and 100mb will be deducted. Sometimes, 60mb. Sometimes 80mb.

Offline Mode:
I think this is the most annoying part of being subscribed to any of Mtn’s stupid data plan – they charge you for doing nothing. Absolutely, fffucking nothing. Between the hours of 12am and 2pm today, the deduced 80mb despite data connection being off. This has become a constant occurrence and I’ve learnt to channel energy I’ll waste on complaining to customer care(as usual) to better use.

Verdict: With background data set on permanent restriction, data switched off, I wonder what steals data. Wait!! maybe, just maybe, my home button needs mb to take me from gallery to home screen.

Apps.

Twitter:
Twitter could – to a certain degree – qualify as a webpage since most of the activity there is text-based, save for funny memes and videos (which is optional to watch by the way), but the amount of data that constantly gets deducted for very little activity on this app is nothing to smile about.

I was charged an outrageous chunck of data few days ago by Oga robot for twitter activity that didn’t last upto 7mins. Maybe it was because the joke I tweeted didn’t get any retweets.

Facebook:
This one is for old people who don’t know something like instagram exists. For stalking Amaka(your classmate) who refused to say yes to you in Nursery 2 has gotten pregnant for her street boy yet. Or for checking if the class olodo has managed to succeed in Life…. so I don’t even bother with this app. However, considering it deals with lots of images and videos, I expect Mtn to use this as another avenue to make their already overweight bank account obese.

Instagram:
…. *ok calm down. ksslib breathe.. breatheeee**

I spent months in denial but I’ve finally accepted the bitter truth that Instagram is only for the rich. Atleast that’s what Mtn wants me to believe. Watching funny videos, short comedy skits and smiling at images of Buhari’s head swapped with various household items is only for the rich.

So expertly have Mtn perfected the art of deception and stealing that they would not deduct a questionable amount of data after my first, second, third and maybe fourth usage of Instagram after a fresh subscription. I’ll just use Instagram at surface level (few videos, images) then log out and check my data balance, then smile at what I see.

This trick – as i later painfully discovered – is Mtn just trying to gain my trust, make me feel at home before allowing me to foolishly decide it’s time to carelessly dive deeper into the unsteady, dangerous waters of Instagram videos.

If you’re foolish enough like me to trust Mtn, the look on your face after checking your remaining data balance will quickly help you forget about that funny video you just saw on kraks TV. Abi you wan compare the effect of a message like “Dear customer, you have 66mb left of your current data bundle” to one video where all the people being interviewed on the street kept swearing they will not attend anybody’s funeral that doesn’t attend theirs. Lol

Verdict: Mtn says Instagram is not for poor people like me. We’ll see what Etisalat, Airtel and others have to say…. minus Glo abeg. What’s the use of having 100gig when I am only allowed to legally use 10mb due to poor service. Glo with pride indeed.

YouTube:
This is easily my favourite platform(clolsey followed by instagram) but it’s a forbidden area for obvious reasons. YouTube is like stepping into the badlands.

Night plan is the only alternative here. Which means I am always awake at night browsing videos when my mates are in covoon hustling. And I also feel not getting enough sleep is too much a price to pay for thrills of YouTube but I am also not quick to forget I am Nigerian afterall, suffer is suppose to be my middle name. Therefore, Night plan it is.

Verdict: Know this: Using YouTube on Mtn’s hourly, daily, weekly, monthly or whatever plan is tantamount to opening the flood gates of hell. You and your data will be flooded with fire and brimstone. For safety reasons, i dont even have the youtube app installed on my phone anymore because I might decide to want to watch a youtube video and later change my mind, but Oga robot will go ahead and deduct 300mb because apparently, the first law of data deduction states that “Habouring the thought of watching a YouTube video in your mind is the same as watching it”.

Final verdict:
Mtn data plan is a big scam that anybody who knows the value of money – especially in this biting recession- should never subscribe to. This will be my last subscription. Even if all the angels of heaven descend and vouch for Mtn, I will never trust them. It’s almost unbelievable that these corrupt piece of shameless thieves get away with this fuckery and daylight robbery…but wait! I almost forgot we are still in Nigeria.

The uncertainty, terror and suspense that comes with checking my remaining data balance every single f*cuking time – whether I surf the net or not – is too much for my young body to cope with. I am just 24 for God sake. I cannot be paying you one thousand naira almost every 4- 5days to give me high blood pressure and stroke.

Will I recommend this plan or any Mtn data plan?:
Yes, I will absolutely recommend this plan to anybody who will ask this question after reading everything.

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